People say marriage is made in heaven. When you are married there are lot of adjustments, and compromises you need to do in order to build a strong relationship. However sometimes the partner you get may not meet the expectations that you held.
Relationship is not always a bed of roses. Your partner might not be caring, helpful and understanding. In relationship you will tend to see a partner who is doubtful, arrogant, abusive and so on. Insecurity is one such tendency which is common in relationship. It has definitions like possessiveness, and protectiveness etc.
Dealing with insecure person is not that easy. You will have to justify everything you do it for yourself and for others.
In this case you need to do certain strong changes within yourself and surrounding.
Stall your judgment
As the honeymoon stage wears off, the love you have for each other might be tested in ways it hasn’t before. As you and your relationship grows, increased comfort and vulnerability might make your partner’s flaws seem more apparent to you than ever.
It is important to remind yourself that you don’t have to correct or fix any problems your partner might be having. Instead, what you should do is ‘hold space.’ If your partner is having a moment of extreme anxiety or anger (that might be more about them than you), try your best to let them know that you both are in this together.
Ensure accountability
It can be draining to be around someone who is habituated to pretending like everything is okay until they can’t hold it in anymore.
To save your relationship from disintegrating, start practicing accountability. Try to be reliable and dependable by being consistent with your words and actions. Don’t say things you don’t really mean. In order to make your partner feel more secure, you have to act with integrity.
For instance, if they tend to overcompensate after a fight, fearing what you might think of them, you have to let them know that disagreements are okay and having them does not mean that you suddenly don’t like your partner anymore.
Additionally, show interest in your partner’s life and be available for them. Little things like prompt and regular date nights and conversations before going to bed can be very effective.
Have conversations around emotional security.
For every disagreement and argument you have, there is a parallel opportunity to have a conciliatory conversation around creating emotional safety. Relationships often grow stronger through the process of rupture and repair. If we try to circumvent fights, we might also lose the chance to get to know our partner on a deeper level.
Use the time right after a fight to let your partner know exactly how it made you feel. Talk about the areas where you both can work on instead of trying to assign blame. Apologise when it’s appropriate, or at the very least, say that you feel bad for hurting their feelings.
Be curious and check in with them on what you can do next time they feel stressed, anxious, or sad. Genuine security also comes from being heard and understood. It can remind your partner that, despite all difficulties, you still want to make it work with them.