We women tend to stop caring about ourself after certain stage in life. Have you ever felt nothing? Like nor are you happy and nor unhappy. Just blank, void of emotions? Have you? I felt that for a long time in my life. Just aimless living. No dreams at all. Nothing excited me. I didn’t care how I felt emotionally, nor did I take care of myself physically.
Have you ever been part of family, where some people told you mean stuff with smiling and sweet face? Things like, you aren’t doing this, this is your duty, you aren’t a good wife, and you are neglecting your child. How can you go out with friends when there is a child at home? I have been a don’t care, my life my way, kind of a person. But no matter how much you ignore, constant shaming hits you badly. Sometimes it makes you believe you are an absolute failure. You start losing faith, especially if the person you trust, lets the shaming happen and does not stand by your side. What do you do? Fight? Ignore? Cry?
I did all of the above, cried a lot, ignored for as long as I could and then fought.
You know what happens when you fight back? You become the bad person. You are irresponsible, you are labelled. I, for long, feared being called names, especially for things I was not responsible. I felt lost, mostly because I never shared my feelings with anyone. I brooded and sobbed and mopped around all alone. And that was my mistake.
Remember people, it is important to voice out what you feel. Confront people when they gossip with you and behind you. Cut them off your life, they do not deserve any kind of second chance in your life. Learn to share with someone who you know is non-judgemental (may be a friend) or take professional help. But do not endure anything all alone. This world is a beautiful place and there are many beautiful people around you. Love yourself first, you are the most important person in your life.
It is never too late in life. Age is just a number. Have a dream and nurture it. Do not give up on yourself. Remember the rhyme “Row row row your boat.” from your childhood? Doesn’t the rhyme tell you to keep moving forward in life and achieve your dreams. It is all about taking that first step, and then everything falls in place. For all who feel not worthy of anything, please stop. You were, are and will be worthy always.