Do you often prioritise others’ needs and desires over your own, seeking validation and avoiding conflict at all costs. Then you need to set boundaries. While wanting to be liked and helpful is a positive trait to a certain extent, being a chronic people pleaser can lead to some challenges.
Setting boundaries can be difficult for people pleasers, but it is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your own needs. Here are some tips for people pleasers on how to set boundaries:
1. Identify your needs
What are your non-negotiables? What do you need in order to feel respected, safe, and comfortable? Once you know your needs, you can start to set boundaries that protect them.
2. Practice saying no
This can be one of the hardest things for people pleasers to do, but it is essential for setting boundaries. When someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, practice saying no in a clear and direct way. You can say something like, “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. I have other plans.”
3. Be assertive
Assertiveness is the ability to express your needs and opinions in a clear and direct way, without being aggressive or passive. When you are assertive, you are able to stand up for yourself and your boundaries without feeling guilty or afraid of upsetting others.
4. Be prepared for pushback
When you set boundaries, some people may not be happy with you. They may try to guilt you, manipulate you, or pressure you into doing what they want. Be prepared for this and stay firm in your boundaries.
5. Communicate your boundaries clearly
When you set a boundary, be sure to communicate it clearly to the other person. Explain why the boundary is important to you and what you need from them.
6. Be willing to compromise
Sometimes, you may need to compromise on your boundaries. This is okay, as long as you are still able to meet your own needs.
7. Be patient
Setting boundaries takes time and practice. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t get it right away. Just keep practicing and you will eventually get better at it.