Gratitude manipulation is the act of using gratitude to control or manipulate someone. This can be done in a number of ways, such as:
Using gratitude to invalidate someone’s feelings. For example, someone might say “You should be grateful for what you have,” in response to someone expressing their unhappiness. This can make the person feel like their feelings are not valid and that they should not complain.
Using gratitude to guilt someone into doing something. For example, someone might say “I did this nice thing for you, so now you owe me,” or “You should be grateful for everything I do for you.” This can make the person feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do.
Using gratitude to silence someone. For example, someone might say “I’m just trying to be helpful,” or “You are being ungrateful,” in response to someone expressing their disagreement or criticism. This can make the person feel like they can’t speak up or express their true feelings.
Gratitude manipulation can be a subtle form of abuse. It can be difficult to recognise, especially if the person doing it is someone you trust.
How to deal with gratitude manipulation:
Acknowledge your feelings. It is important to validate your own feelings, even if someone is trying to tell you that you shouldn’t feel that way.
Set boundaries. Let the person know what you are and are not willing to tolerate.
You don’t have to do something just because someone is trying to make you feel guilty.
Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist can help you to process what is happening and develop strategies for dealing with it.
Gratitude is a powerful emotion, but it can also be used to manipulate others. It is important to be aware of this and to stand up for yourself if you feel like you are being manipulated.